On Mommyhood

                                                             These are my babies.

But don't tell them I said that. Because to them, they are not babies anymore but BIG BOYS!

Several things have happened this week to people in our life, people that we know through church, school, etc, that make me want to go and hug my babies a little tighter and hold on to them a little longer.

I am intentionally trying to spend QT (quality time!) with both of my children on a daily basis. I don't want something to happen and for me to say "If only I had played legos with B instead of spending 15 extra minutes on Facebook".  I am not going to sugar-coat it. Sometimes being intentional with my time and my children is hard ya'll! Sometimes it has been a really long and frustrating day and all I want is 5 minutes to myself. Instead, B has just gotten home from school and is in need of some Mama-tention. But hard or not, the way I see it is that when these boys are grown they can either say "Man! My Mama was always there for me!" or "My mom took good care of us, but she was always on Facebook or her phone, or doing something else and was too busy to play with us." If I am not there for them now when Legos are important, how can I be there for them when other things are important? Girlfriends? Peer Pressure? See Where I'm going here?

God is going to do big things with both of these boys! I know that because they have already overcome incredible circumstances. For whatever reason, God has called J and I to turn these two blue eyed boys into Men.

If you are a parent, does the thought of that task overwhelm you? Because it overwhelms me sometimes! I mean how in the world am I supposed to mold these two balls of energy into polite, Christian gentlemen??

I can't help but wonder what these precious boys will grow up to accomplish. Will they be husbands? Fathers? Godly Men? B has said for years that he will never get married or have kids. I wonder if he'll change his mind? Will they be successful in whichever career path they choose?

I am constantly trying to teach them things. Whether it's going to the library for story time or how to make musical instruments out of dried beans and spoons. I think that the more knowledge they have, the better they will function in society someday. Beyond teaching them, we have to leave it in God's hands as to what they achieve in life. I am here to train them and help guide them, but ultimately the rest of it is between them and God. Let me just tell you that Mrs. Type A herself over here has a hard time letting the control go!

Stay tuned for the rest of the story!

And in the meantime, go love on your children!

Faith of a Mustard Seed

Heaven gained an absolute angel yesterday. I, like thousands in Nashville & around the country, never had the opportunity to meet Sara Walker personally. In fact, I probably got on the "Pray for Sara Walker" train a little late in her battle. Nonetheless her story is INCREDIBLE! She can tell it better than anyone-

Can you imagine what it feels like to know that there are literally thousands of people praying for you? People that have been impacted by your unwaivering faith even in the most difficult of circumstances.

On my journey, one of my main objectives is to grow my faith more deeply so that some day my children will teach their children and so on. I could only hope to leave a legacy like the one Sara Walker has written. Or should I say God has written for her.

I grew up in the church. I have Christian parents, and attended a Christian high school. I faithfully attended bible camp every summer. I have a degree from a Christian college. I have had a few bible classes in my life, needless to say. And I have definitely sat through my fair share of chapel speakers!

But just because you drag your butt to chapel 3 days a week, and make A's on your bible tests (Cards on the table: I made C's. Don't judge me!) does not mean that your faith is deeply rooted. Hate to say it, but those hundreds of repetitions of "Father I Adore You" at Bible Camp didn't earn me a one way ticket to the pearly gates. It has to come from something (someone!) else.

There was a time in my life that I was faithfully frustrated. I knew God was out there, and I knew he loved me, but I found myself in a very dark place with no real directions on how to get out of it and I couldn't imagine that a God who loved me could let me go through this.

Now I know that he was setting the stage for some absolutely amazing things to happen in my life, but at the time all I could see was blackness & loneliness all around me. Hindsight is 20/20 isn't it? I guess my "REAL" faith never really recovered from that period until recently. I would go through the motions but not really think anything of it.

Part of living intentionally to me means that you have to be intentional with your faith. I intentionally get up every morning and do a devo off of an app on my Nook. Then I spend some time reading my Message Bible- right now I'm reading Judges because that is what we are studying in the Ladies Bible Class I attend once a week. Then I spend some time in prayer for our day, for my children and husband, and for things that are just weighing on my heart. Lastly I always do something called a "breath prayer". I think I picked this up in one of those millions of classes I was talking about, but everyday I intentionally breathe in thoughts of patience and out thoughts of peace. It helps set the tone for my entire day! And with two very rowdy boys, Peace and Patience are in short supply around here! It is also the first steps in living for God more faithfully and intentionally. I am still a work in progress!

And hopefully someday when I earn my angel wings, I will get the chance to meet sweet Sara Walker face to face and thank her for the impact that she had on my life, and so very many others like me.

Extreme Couponing (Definitely NOT for me!)

I am extremely blessed to be able to stay at home and raise my two boys. (some would say my husband too, but I digress!) My husband works very hard so that we can do this, and I am thankful in SO many ways for him!

It also gives me the chance to help take care of my elderly grandfather who is absolutely the sweetest man I have ever met. Mom says I have loved him the best since I was a baby! It is an honor to help take care of him in his sunset years.

B's schooling & extracurricular activites are taking a chunk of our budget this year and so on my journey to being intentional I have decided it's time to find new ways to pinch pennies.

I am going to learn how to coupon! They say that once you get started you get hooked, but it takes a lot of work to learn the systems and policies and so on. Now, I will be the first person to tell you that clutter makes me anxious. I can't handle it! So I will NOT be one of those stockpile crazy couponers that are on tv. But if being saavy with the whole couponing world means a few less dollars in our grocery bill every week then I'm all for it!

I bought a Sunday paper today & have perused the CouponSuzy website. I will update you soon on how my living intentionally: project coupon is going! Wish me luck! And if you have tips and pointers please feel free to let me know. I have dabbled in coupons before but never consistently or very seriously. So basically it's all new to me!

CSA

We got our CSA share yesterday! I always feel like it's Christmas morning when we go and pick up our box full of goodies on Wednesdays. I guess I should back up though...

Back in the spring I was looking for ways that my family could be healthier. I suppose we should all be on this bandwagon more than we are. But through the magic of Facebook newsfeed, I saw that my friend was talking about this thing called a CSA. I thought, "what in the world is a CSA?"

In a nutshell, CSA stands for Community Supported Agriculture. Basically, we have an agreement with a farm that we will buy a "share" of their harvest every week. We go on Wednesdays and pick up a box of vegetables, meat, and a dozen eggs. You never know what kind of veggies or meat you are going to get, just that it will be about the same amount each week. It doesn't completely eliminate our need to grocery shop, especially since I'm not brave enough to order their raw milk... but it is a big chunk of our weekly food!

This is what came in our box yesterday.

The ballerina/flowery-looking things in the center are called pattypan squash!

I would like to say that before we jumped in with both feet, I did a ton of research and weighed the pros & cons, etc. Nope. What happened was I saw my friends post, I googled "CSA" and found out a few basic things. Then I asked my friend (who actually DID do all of this research- Go Sam!) a few questions and that was about it. Then we just said, "you know what? Let's do it!" Would I do it again? Absolutely.

I have had SO much fun with this! Before CSA, we were sort of in a broccoli, corn, and green peas rut. Those were basically the only veggies we ate because they were the only ones I was confident in cooking. But now we get lots of different vegetables, including some that I have never even heard of before! Who knew there were a hundred different kinds of squash & watermelon?? It forces me out of my comfort zone and into a whole new world of veggies & meats. I even made my own pickles last week!

Besides pickles, I have made my own spaghetti sauce from scratch, zuchinni bread, zuchinni casserole, Kale chips, and I have roasted anything and everything you could imagine.

All this is great, but I think my very favorite thing about being a part of CSA is what it is teaching my children. They are SO excited on Wednesdays to go get our "farm box" and see what we got! When we go to the grocery store now, A points out vegetables to me. We probably spent 20 minutes in the produce section of Kroger the other day walking around and naming what everything was. I love that they are so involved and learning about fruits & vegetables and healthy habits that will hopefully stick with them for the rest of their lives. This morning, A even helped me break green beans for lunch today!

Morning Joe

Well, it's 8:17 am and B is (hopefully!) learning something new at school, A is enthusiastically watching Mickey Mouse Clubhouse & I can breathe! As a part of my journey to living intentionally, my day begins at 5am. This is difficult, not only because I mean- it's 5 am! But also because my husband works second shift & is generally coming to bed about the time my alarm goes off.

Why 5?

I read once that it was better to wake up FOR your children instead of waking up TO your children. It sets the tone for the rest of your day! I'm sure some of you out there in blog-o-land have no idea what this saying means (ahemMOMahem) but basically it means that you should wake up in enough time to get your day started ahead of your children. That way you aren't rushing around and trying to get everyone (including yourself) ready, fed, and out the door super quick. It takes the rush out of my mornings!

BUT Why 5??

B wakes up between 5:30 & 6 every morning. Rain, Shine, Weekends, Every morning. Waking up at 5 gives me enough time to get going pretty well before he gets up. Did I mention that I live in a man's world? Which means he who has the remote controlls things. If B wakes up before I do, and has the remote, then he is an absolute BEAR to get ready for school. "But MOM Ninjago is on!!" Don't ask me how me having physical control of the remote works, but it does.

When I get up I do a daily devo that comes on my Nook through a nifty little app I have. There are hundreds of devo apps, just pick one! Then I try and either walk on the treadmill or exercise with this lady that comes on PBS at 5:30. She is no joke! By then B is usually up so AFTER he gets completely dressed, teeth & hair brushed, backpack located, he may watch t.v. while he eats breakfast. A is usually up by then so B being occupied by Spongebob or whatever other nonsense comes on Nick at 6am means I can get A dressed and ready to go too without having to referee just yet.

By then it's 7 and we are out the door with as little fussing as possible!


If only everyday were that picture perfect right?

The Nitty Gritty

According to dictionary.com this is the definition of intentional:

in·ten·tion·al
   [in-ten-shuh-nl]

adjective
1. done with intention or on purpose; intended: an intentional insult.

2. of or pertaining to intention or purpose.


I am on a journey to live everyday as intentional as possible. I realized a couple of weeks ago (about the time B started first grade, actually) that time is flying past us, and things that we keep meaning to do never actually get done. For example, J and I keep saying that we are going to start eating healthier-tomorrow. Then we have lunch out of a window. The next thing you know, tomorrow was last week and we are having another lunch out of the window...

Some of these things have been set in motion a while back, but I am just now getting around to putting a name to it. Because I am very type A and love to make lists, here is a list version of some of the ways I am choosing to live everyday with intention.

A) TODAY I WILL GET UP IN ENOUGH TIME TO HAVE A DEVOTIONAL AND EXERCISE.
This one may sound easy enough. But B gets up around 5:30 every morning. If I do not intentionally set my alarm to get up before he does, then our whole day gets off to a rocky start.

B) TODAY I WILL PRAY OVER MY CHILDREN BEFORE WE GO OUR SEPERATE WAYS
I used to ride to school everyday with a family that has become a second family to me. Every morning, no matter how late we were running, the dad would pray with his kids before school. I am intentionally doing the same with B.

C) TODAY I WILL PREPARE HEALTHY FOOD FOR MY FAMILY
This is one of those that we set in motion a few months ago by joining a CSA. Don't know what a CSA is? I will post about it soon! Now we have fresh & "clean" meats, vegetables, & eggs on hand in the house.

D) TODAY I WILL TAKE SOME QUIET TIME DURING NAPS TO COLLECT MY THOUGHTS AND BREATHE
The day is half over, but the hard part is just starting! Time to regroup.

E) TODAY I WILL BE THE BEST WIFE THAT I CAN BE
He deserves my respect, admiration, and love. Which he has. But, I do not always show him that he has them. I am trying harder to be intentional with this.

F) TODAY I WILL (try) NOT TO LOSE MY PATIENCE WITH THE LITTLE BALLS OF ENERGY GOD HAS BLESSED ME WITH

G) TODAY I WILL GO TO BED AT A DECENT TIME
so that tomorrow I can start all over again!

I will try and elaborate on this more in the future, as well as let you know how it's going! Not all days are going to be perfect. But you've just got to keep on trucking!



Oh Yeah! I told J about all of this last night & his very loving response? "I have noticed you were in a better mood lately." Thanks sweetie. Love you too!

~M

the dreaded 5:30 wall!!

So, I mentioned that I'm teaching A to sign right? We decided to start with more... so 3 times a day this is how it goes:

M- Do you want more (sign)? More? (sign)
A- *screams bloody murder*
M- NO, do you want more? (sign)B, would you please stop distracting him?
B- but mommy, he's waving at me!
M-I know, but I'm trying to teach him how to do this
B- oh, A DO YOU WANT MORE??!?! then waves again
A- Kind of, emphasis on kind of, claps his hands together...a little
M- ok, thats a start here you go.

3x a day. several times in a meal actually.

On a good note, he's sort of getting it! We have started working on up too... but this is going to be a slow process.

Anyways, back to the title of this post. Ever since I started staying at home full time, I have noticed that we hit a huge wall at 5:30 every night. Everyone can be in a great mood, and things will have gone super smoothly all day long. J leaves for work at 3, and by the time 5:30 gets here we hit a wall. Not only hit a wall, but hit it and then fall off the cliff behind it... so to speak.

The boys stop listening and start fighting, my head will inevitably start hurting, I'm trying to cook dinner and see to them at the same time, the house gets trashed.... and we go into survival mode until bedtime. By the time they get in bed I'm too exhausted to do much of anything else. It's miserable... and I'm not sure how to fix it! So far, this is the very most frustrating thing about staying at home. The 5:30 wall. Hopefully, I will come up with a magical fix soon. Very soon!